Many are the times we curse and humiliate ourselves for feeling genuinely, for hurting [even when we have the right to], for laughing [even when we should not be], for crying [even at the face of adversity], for just having those deep biological reactions in our nerve system. I digress.
Sometimes, you just have to let yourself feel, and feel freely. Laugh or cry out loud, if you so wish. Get mad or horny, when chemistry happens. Get elated [suddenly, abruptly] even when you cannot quite explain why. Liberate yourself from the tangles and confines of rationality; emancipate yourself from the social standards that have already been established by a few self-proclaimed MORAL BROKERS. Just let your heart bear even without giving reasons; or even without feeling entitled to explain to anyone.
Absurd to me is how we have let these “social norms” infiltrate our personal lives; how the public space, free as it is, has been squashed to the dogs. How we let rather “trivial” things ruminate in our minds, far past they are welcome. How we’re sensitive to the people with whom we share this world with. How some selected lot of hypocrites have assumed the moral throne to determine what is gentility, humility, chastity, and all –ities that compound human existence. MADNESS.
We live in a world where people are afraid to feel anything genuinely, or at least, are afraid to show it. When someone is angry at you, there’s no phone call asking to talk about it. Instead you get a passive aggressive response to a text message or a suspiciously relevant sub-tweet, quietly calling you out in 140 characters or less. If you like someone, you don’t tell them how you feel; rather, you act interested enough for them to pick up on it, but not enough to freak them out. Don’t like it? Too bad. It’s all a big game and if you don’t play by the rules then you lose, and if you lose you end up alone and drowning in a pile of your own insecurity, wondering what you did wrong.
Like Melissa says, “let’s all stop being little fucks. Respect other people enough to tell them the truth. If someone makes you happy, tell them. If someone inspires you, tell them. If you’re not interested in someone, please just fucking tell them. Don’t ignore people until they disappear. It’s time we grow up and stop leaving people hanging with unanswered texts and cryptic social media posts. Everyone is human and we’re all just trying to understand one another in this messy dating world, so stop treating a relationship of any kind like it’s a challenge to complete. Be honest with other people about how you feel, and don’t get so lost in playing the game that you forget to extend that same courtesy to yourself.”
But in all these, we must learn to let people be and let them live freely, as they so wish. If you feel like munching (feasting would have been a better fit) on the delicacies of her most coveted, secret garden, then you know what to do. If you feel like the world is weighing you down, you know what, take a walk to the park, enjoy sometime on your own. Don’t beat yourself up by trying to smile to the very world behind your foul moods. Just be true to your chemosensory system.
When proud of your achievements, and you feel like gobbling down a full tanker of Whiskey is the best way to get down, you know what. JUST FEEL. Don’t censor your emotions. When you’re sad for being ditched, look, tell someone that you’re indeed sad and how much it hurts. When you don’t feel anything for that girl who’s been crushing on you since your first day during orientation, look, don’t feel the urge to reciprocate her misplaced feelings. When depressed and don’t feel like talking to anyone, just don’t talk to them. There’s nothing wrong with that.
We have no room for moral brokers anymore. Just feel. Just be.
Nana Muigai Muigai